20th century classic revival part 2
by Looneyman1933
Summary: I have broken up my story now and it shall be split into parts of seven. Read the first one first.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 8

The Questions

Looney: Hi and welcome to a very suspicious episode of 20th century classic revival tiny toons edition.

Buster: Suspicious? Why?

Looney: Because I have this!

(Puts out a piece of paper.)

Babs: An invitation to a birthday party?

Looney: What? No! That was the wrong one. I meant this!

(Pulls out envelope.)

Marcia: What does it say?

Looney: 'My dear new mortal enemy' Threatening yet polite. Any who, ' You may be safe from me in the studio where only certain people can enter, but you are not safe from my two spies. They are a pair/duo that entered in your first two episodes.

Your new enemy,

Wile E. Coyote'

Babs: You think it was one of us?

Looney: Well obviously, it has to be you and Buster, Cal and Beeper, or Plucky and Marcia.

Cal: What?

Plucky: You're looney!

Looney: Everyone knows that already!

Plucky: Not your name!

Looney: What? Oh, yeah my nickname.

Babs: It fits.

Looney: Yeah? Well the culprit is obviously Babs and Buster!

Buster: What? It's Calamity!

Cal: No Way!

Buster: Aren't you two related?

Cal: NONE OF US ARE RELATED TO ANY OF OUR TEACHERS! WHY DOESN'T ANYONE UNDERSTAND THAT?

Looney: You don't have to break people's eardrums.

Buster: We'll prove we're innocent. We once spent an entire afternoon just to torment Wile E.

Looney: Why?

Buster: Well...

(Up pops cartoon slide saying 'Rabbit Coyote.')

(First scene. Acme Looniversity in Bugs Bunny's office.)

Bugs: Now, eh... I wants you ta help one of the teachers out.

Buster: Which one?

Bugs: Professor Runner.

Babs: The Road Runner? Why does he need our help?

Bugs: Believe it or not, something's changed dat coyote's luck. So I needs you two to help him.

Buster: How do you know this?

Bugs: Professor Runner told me.

Babs: He doesn't talk.

Bugs: Not in fronta children. Now yous better get to helping him before he becomes roadrunner a l'orange

(Next scene. Road Runner is seen to be relaxing. Wile E. is shown, preparing a trap. He cuts a rope and a piano falls. Just when it seems it will hit Road Runner. Buster jumps and pushes the piano away. Road Runner looks around, shrugs, and goes back to relaxing. We see Buster with piano keys in his mouth, and then he spits them out.)

Buster: So much heavy work to learn to get a piano the way you want it.

(Next scene. Wile E. Starts dropping dynamite around Road Runner. Babs comes in and takes them outside. Before she can decide what to do with them, the dynamite explodes.)

Babs: This is too hard.

(Next scene, Buster and Babs are shown in casts, bandages, and crutches walking to Road Runner's room. Wile E. comes in and tries to drop an anvil on the poor bird. In slow motion we see Buster and covering their eyes, the anvil falling, and Wile E. rubbing his hands together and sneering. Suddenly Road Runner's watch beeps. He gets up and puts things back the way they were then 'beep beeps' and runs just in time to avoid the falling anvil. The anvil bounces off of a trampoline conveniently placed and then gets Wile E.)

Buster: Hey, Babs you think he's had enough?

Babs: Oh no, Buster I think he needs A LOT MORE THAN THAT!

Buster: I know! Let's see how all his inventions work against him!

(Both bunnies sneer and pull out large bombs from behind their backs.)

Buster: You get a five second head start.

(Wile E. dashes out, followed by Babs and Buster.)

(Back at the studio.)

Looney: Well that is what happened so the next ones have got to be- Plucky and Marcia!

Plucky: Come on! It's Calamity!

Cal: No it isn't

Looney: You guys have been tormenting me since you got to this show!

Marcia: If you'd just let us date!

Looney: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm only trying to not start in interplanetary war!

Plucky: We can prove it!

Looney: How?

Plucky: How about the time when Wile E. Tried to get rid of Marcia?

Looney: What do you mean?

Plucky: He was hunting her down!

(Cartoon slide opens that says 'Martian hunter')

(First scene, a regular street in Acme Acres. Plucky and Marcia are seen walking down the street.)

Plucky: A date where we are not being chased by someone? I love it!

(In the background we see a robotic suit, the person in it looks at a list seeing that there are still a few things he needs to catch. One of them being Martian.

The person takes out a gun and tries to shoot Marcia, but she turns and it hits Plucky instead.)

Plucky: YOW!

Marcia: Huh? What is it?

Plucky: I think I get shot in my tail feathers with a laser again.

Marcia: Don't worry. I've got a ray to fix that to.

(While this is happening, we see the figure in the suit writing something on a piece of paper.)

(Next scene, the figure this time is holding a rope. Plucky and Marcia are walking.)

Plucky: So you're telling me that the meaning of life is-

(Before he finishes he sees the safe, looks at the rope, and sees the figure let go of the rope. He pushes Marcia out of their way.)

Marcia: Plucky? You saved my life. Plucky? Where are you?

Plucky: I know my beak is right here.

(Plucky's beak is shown at Marcia's feet.)

Marcia: I think the rest of you might be under that safe.

Plucky: Well would you mind getting it for me?

(Again, the figure is writing something on a piece of paper.)

(Next scene, the figure is behind an anvil.)

Plucky: So now you're saying that the world will end exactly on- (sees the anvil.) STOP!

Marcia: What? (Anvil falls right in front of her.) Oh, thanks.

Plucky: Can you believe it? I didn't get hurt this time!

(Anvil falls on him.) THAT'S IT! Come on show yourself!

(The figure comes in front of Plucky, revealing him to be twice his size.)

Plucky: Maybe I shouldn't have said that. RUN!

(Plucky and Marcia run. Before the figure can catch up to them they stop, and the figure falls of a cliff.)

Plucky: I prefer fast to deadly.

(Figure rises up, without his helmet and shows it was really Wile E. Coyote. He holds up a sign saying 'couldn't agree with you more.)

(Back at the studio.)

Looney: Well, then no one could have committed the crime.

Plucky: What about CALAMITY?

Looney: He couldn't have done it, he wrote the note.

All: WHAT?

Looney: I thought you'd trust if it came from a coyote would convince you guys.

Plucky: You know, even after all that pain, I think we owe you something. How do YOU like anvils and lasers and safes?

Buster: And pianos?

Babs: And dynamite?

Looney: Um... Looks like that's all the time we have for this episode. Remember, we're tiny we're toony, and I'm running from this roomy. Good night!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 9

Fairy tale day

A/N: sorry about the buddies but Furrball wouldn't do this chapter without them, even though he's barrely in it. Plus, there are so little stories on theirpage that i suppose they're getting lost on other ones.

Disclaimer: If I owned tiny toon adventures it would still be on air

Calamity: Good evening, I'm Calamity Coyote. Now, instead of the usual bad jokes and violence on today's show we will be discussing effects of global warming-

(Looney enters.)

Looney: I can't believe it. I run a little late and THIS HAPPENS?

Calamity: Sorry! I didn't think you'd make it.

Looney: Calamity, if I was on my deathbed but could still walk I'd come to this show.

Cal: You are really committed to this show.

Looney: Yes I am.

Buster: You know, we have five dogs waiting outside

Looney: So, bring them in.

Buster: I can't they're (shudders.) Disney.

(All but Looney shudders.)

Looney: Who are these dogs?

Buster: They call themselves the 'hair bunnies'.

Looney: Don't you mean 'air buddies?'

Buster: I don't know.

Looney: Send in Buddha.

(A long eared man enters the studio.)

Looney: No, not that Buddha!

(The man leaves, to be replaced by a golden retriever pup.)

Buddha: Forgive us, but we were sent for by letter.

Looney: I don't remember writing a letter.

Buddha: Would you happen to be Calamity Coyote?

Looney: CALAMITY?

Cal: Again, I didn't think you'd make it-

Looney: Wait, I actually think I have an idea for you.

Buster: Looney, Warner Bros and Disney working together is the worst idea I've ever heard.

Looney: (Ignoring Buster) Felicia, I've got a good part for you.

Buster: You're making a big mistake.

Looney: And now for our first show on... Fairy tale day!

Buster: Looney, this will end in disaster!

Looney: What's your point?

(Title card says 'furry and the beast')

(First scene, an old town. Felicia comes in dressed up.)

Felicia: So what do I do? My last part was a lot easier.

(Calamity enters.)

Cal: Madame Felicia! There is an urgent need for you to get to the other side of the woods!

Felicia: Why?

Cal: For your... Yeah I got nothing let's just go with it

Felicia: Fine, but how do I get through?

Cal: Beats me I'm just here to move the plot along. Au revoir!

(Next scene, a dark and spooky castle in the woods.)

Felicia: There is absolutely no way you could ever possibly get me in there in a million- are those roses in there? I love roses.

(Felicia comes in and picks the roses. Out comes a creature with wings of bat, horns of goat, feet of dog, body of ox, and head of a moose.)

Creature: Who dares pick one of the roses from my garden?

Felicia: I-I'm sorry, but they were so lovely and-

Creature: What is your name spelled backwards?

Felicia: Aicilef.

Creature: Come with me.

(They enter the castle.)

Creature: Have you a husband or boyfriend?

Felicia: No, and why are you talking like that?

Creature: I haven't any idea what you're talking about.

Felicia: Never mind. Anyways why do you ask?

Creature: I need a kiss.

Felicia: Look you may think you need one but-

Creature: It is to break a spell.

Felicia: Spell. Riiight.

Creature: I will prove it to you. Servants!

(The Buddies enter.)

B-Dawg: Yo, you called for a couple Buddies, dawg?

Creature: Quit talking like that, anyways show this girl the magic mirror.

(Rosebud pulls out magic mirror from Snow White.)

Rosebud: Mirror, mirror on the wall-

Creature: Not that magic mirror!

Budderball: I found this! (Pulls in a wand.)

Creature: That's a magic wand!

Mudbud: Dude, we're messing with you. We can't leave until we each have one line and this is a Warner show.

Felicia: Not the right thing to say.

Creature: Disney will never be as good as Warner!

B-Dawg: And who's got their own amusement park?

Felicia: Guys, stop! Let's not forget the Disney-Warner baseball game of 2003.

Budderball: All I remember is how bad the hot dogs tasted.

(All look at him.)

Budderball: Well can you blame me? They were charred, had buns that tasted like foot, and there was no mustard!

Creature: Will someone just give me the magic mirror?

Bud-dha: I have since of priority. (Fetches magic mirror. Ha-ha fetches. That's funny.)

Budderball: Is your narrator always so annoying and bad at jokes?

Both: Yes.

(I'm not a narrator!)

(Buddies leave.)

Creature: Anyways this mirror will show you anything you wish to see.

Felicia: Really? (Takes mirror.) I want to see Lady Gaga square dancing with a giant snail while a walrus plays an oboe!

(Mirror shows exactly that)

Felicia: Cool! I'll kiss you, if I can keep this mirror.

Creature: Sure, why not?

(Felicia kisses creature, and a blinding flash of light reveals him to be none other than Little Beeper.

Felicia opens her eyes and sees who she's kissing.)

Felicia: YUCK! I kissed Beeper? Deeesgusting!

Beeper: I'm sorry but the current cat is dating a skunk.

Besides you kissed me before.

Felicia: I thought you were kind of cute but you're just a jerk.

Beeper: What do you mean?

Felicia: Well you're vain, you're a sadist, and you're a bully. Need I go on?

Beeper: But-

Felicia: Tell you what, when you save the life of someone that you completely hate, then you could call me.

Beeper: Yes, my pink love. Until then.

(Felicia exits.)

Beeper: Wait a minute; the only people I completely hate are Montana Max and Elmyra! And there not even in this chapter! Oh well, better luck next time.

(Back at studio.)

Buster: That did not get the lesson of the story.

Looney: No, but maybe the next one will.

Buster: What is it?

Looney: Only the most famous fairy tale in the whole world.

Babs: The magic carrot?

Looney: What? No! I mean Cinderella.

Buster: I call prince Charming!

Babs: I love that story!

Looney: Now, prepare for the most famous story in the world like you've never heard it before.

(Title card says 'cinderbabs')

(First scene, Babs is shown sweeping the house with a toy broom. Shirley and Fifi enter.)

Babs: You guys are my stepsisters?

Shirley: Like, stop talking and do our chores.

Fifi: Oui, we have important things to do.

(Felicia enters.)

Babs: Felicia? Aren't you a little young to be my stepmom?

Felicia: No, no I'm not.

Babs: Anyways, I finished sweeping the house.

Felicia: You started five minutes ago, what took you so long?

Babs: Anyways, those are all the chores on the list front and back.

Felicia: Just need you do to one more thing (Hands Babs a toothbrush.) Paint the house before sundown or no supper for you.

Babs: But that's only a few minutes away!

Felicia: Then I suggest you get started. Come on girls we have to prepare for tomorrow.

Babs: Wonder what wicked thing they're doing tomorrow. Fine, I want to eat so I will use cartoon power!

(Babs circles the house in cartoon fashion, and the house is painted pink.)

Babs: I like it, I now it's her favorite color.

(In the dining room. We see Felicia talking to Fifi and Shirley.)

Felicia: Now how are we ever going to keep this secret from that horrible stepdaughter of mine from finding out?

Shirley: Like, finding out about what?

(Babs is seen in doorway.)

Felicia: The ball that invited every last person in the kingdom is invited to, idiot! The one that's tomorrow!

Babs: I want to go!

Felicia: Well, I suppose you could go if you find a coach, six white horses, a footman, and a dress to wear.

Babs: By tomorrow?

Felicia: Yes.

(Tomorrow evening, Babs is shown sitting in cinders. Cinder blocks that is.)

Babs: We didn't have enough soot, so we got a visual gag.

(Felicia, Shirley, and Fifi enter.)

Felicia: Sorry Cinderbabs, but looks like you will be spending the night in those cinders. Come on, girls.

(The three exit.)

Babs: What am I going to do? I really want to go to that ball.

(A flash of light shows Marcia entering, bit she ends up breaking many things in the house.)

Marcia: Darn it! I was supposed to enter three feet from here. Anyways, I can solve your problems, with my transforming ray!

Babs: What do you need?

Marcia: I need six mice.

Babs: I could only find two.

(She is shown holding pinky and the Brain.)

Marcia: Close enough!

(She zaps them with her transforming ray, and there are two white horses. Then, she pulls out another ray, zaps them, and there are six whit horses.)

Marcia: Now I need a dog.

Babs: How's this?

(Pulls out Barky Marky.)

Marcia: Perfect!

(She zaps Barky and he's a footman.)

Marcia: So now for your clothes.

(She zaps the clothes, and it's a beautiful pink dress.)

Marcia: Now you can go!

Babs: What about the coach?

Marcia: Huh? Sorry I just skimmed this story. Anyways, I've got one right here.

(Mike Butcher enters.)

Babs: No! A coach for the horses to pull.

(Mark exits.)

Marcia: Fine, I'll need a pumpkin.

(Babs fetches pumpkin, Marcia zaps it and it becomes a coach.)

Marcia: This thing doesn't last long, so be back by midnight. Oh , and your slippers are made of glass, so dance lightly.

(Inside the ball, we see the three who will not be named, Prince Buster and king-Montana Max and queen Elmyra?)

Monty: So?

(I thought Looney was going to play the king.)

Monty: He asked me and Elmyra to do it.

(Anyways, Babs enters, and all eyes fall on her. Especially Prince Buster.)

Buster: Who is that fair maiden?

Monty: (While eating a hot dog.) Now, as the prince's sixteenth birthday ball, all you will dance. Now I've got to go, I've got a date with Selena Gomez. Later, Losers!

(Starts laughing, then starts choking.)

Looney: Hold it, stop he's choking!

Buster: No more Monty? YES!

Babs: It's better than the wicked witch of the east's death!

Beeper: What kind of monsters are you? We need to help him!

(Gets up behind Monty and does the Heimlich maneuver.)

Monty: You saved my life.

Felicia: Nice try, but I know what you're doing.

Beeper: What are you... Oh yeah.

Felicia: Wait, you genuinely saved Montana Max's life.

Beeper: Well I may be ' vain, a sadist, and a bully' but I'm no monster.

(During this, Babs and Buster are dancing. Suddenly, the clock strikes twelve.)

Babs: I have to go.

(She runs out, and drops a slipper behind her.)

(Next Morning, Babs is sitting in the cinders. Then, there is a knock at the door. Babs opens the door to Looney and Buster.)

Looney: Good evening, me and my master are trying to find someone he fell in love with last night.

Babs: Cool, do you have a test?

Looney: We did have a glass slipper, but the town coyote broke it in one of his experiments.

Babs: Look what I've got (Pulls out other slipper. Tries it on and shows it fits.)

Looney: Thank you, and a happily ever after to you both.

(Back at the studio.)

Looney: That was great!

Felicia: Can we do one that has nothing to do with romance?

Looney: Name one fairy tale that has nothing to do with romance.

Hamton: Three little pigs.

Looney: Fine, Calamity, wolf. Buster first pig, plucky second pig, and Hamton last pig. Now let's get this fairy tale set up.

(Title card saying 'the duck, the rabbit, the pig, and the big bad coyote.)

Looney: Once upon a time there were three friends, a duck a pig, and a rabbit. Now before we get to the boring parts, let's just skip that and get to the brick house.

(Next scene a brick house. Calamity is shown outside. On each line the setting changes from inside to outside.)

Cal: Little pig little pig let me in.

Hamton: Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!

Cal: Then I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow your house up!

Hamton: Don't you mean 'in'?

Cal: Nope!

(He pushes down a trigger, but he explodes instead of the house.

Next, he is seen fiddling with a remote, and a tornado comes. But it swoops up the remote and starts chasing Cal.

Next, he sends a missile, but it literally blows up in his face.

Finally, he puts on a Santa suit, and goes down the chimney. He stops right before the entrance, using the tip of his tail to see if there is boiling water. He finds some, and uses his tale to knock it down.)

Cal: Merry Christmas!

Buster: What? There's no way it's Christmas yet!

Plucky: And since when does Santa Claus have a tail?

(Calamity gulps, on the inside of the house, we hear many fighting sounds, then Cal, beaten black and blue, exits with a sign saying 'I quit' then faints.)

(Back at the studio.)

Looney: That looks like all the time we have. Until next time, we're tiny we're toony and will get happily ever soony. Good night.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 10

A Looney Carol.

(Calamity Coyote's house.)

Looney: I am telling you, I am not going to change my username, just my pseudonym. Looney Terrence Une

Cal: Sounds great 'Looney Tune'

Looney: Precisely.

Cal: Look, I've got to work on my reality altering machine.

Looney: Why on Earth would you ever need that?

Cal: To see a world where I was never born. Sadly, this seems to either use pieces of literature or play music.

Looney: Play music?

Cal: I thought a radio would be a nice touch.

Looney: Well, you have everything labeled pretty well.

What's 'C.C.'?

Cal: Christmas carol.

Looney: Really? I love Christmas carols.

(Selects C.C. And pulls lever.)

Cal: Wait, stop right...

(Suddenly a vortex comes and sucks Looney.)

Into the 18th century. What? AHHHHHHH! Nothing of script is left! It's in story format! Hmm. Suddenly I have an urge to tell dickens classic story

Plucky was dead to begin with. There is no doubt Plucky was dead. Dead as a doornail. A coffin nail seems more appropriate, but I will not go against the words of our ancestors.

Looney didn't mind though. Plucky's death was slightly disturbing to him, but then he saw he would not have to split the money.

A long seven years after his death, Looney was in his counting house with his clerk, Buster Bunny. In walked his nephew, Little Beeper.

"Merry Christmas, uncle!" Beeper said.

"Bah, Humbug!" Said Looney.

"Christmas a humbug? I'm sure you don't mean that."

"I do, why are you merry? You're poor enough."

"Why are you dismal? You're rich enough."

"Bah, Humbug!"

"Don't be cross uncle!"

"What else can I be when I live in such a world of fools as this? Merry Christmas! Out upon merry Christmas! What's Christmas time to you but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer; a time for balancing your books and having every item in 'em through a round dozen of months presented dead against you? If I could work my will every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"

"Uncle!"

"Nephew, keep Christmas in your own way and I'll keep it in mine."

"Keep it! But you don't keep it."

"Let me leave it alone, then."

"There are many things from which I might have derived good, by which I have not profited, I dare say Christmas among the rest. But I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round - apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that - as a good time: a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time: the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. And therefore, uncle, though it has never put a scrap of gold or silver in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good; and I say, God bless it!"

Suddenly, the clerk started clapping.

"Another sound from you," said Looney, "And I'll have a pair of rabbit's feet for the holidays, as for you nephew you should go into parliament."

"Come on uncle, why don't you dine with me and my wife?" said Beeper.

"That penniless girl? Why did you ever marry her?"

"Because I fell in love."

"Because you fell in love? That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Good afternoon."

"You've never come before, why not now?

"Good afternoon."

"Why can't we be friends?"

"Good afternoon."

"Fine all I can say is Merry Christmas."

"Good afternoon."

"And a happy new year!"

"Good afternoon!"

And with that, Beeper left, except for a short exchange between him and Buster.

"You're a bird."

"Yes."

"How are you his nephew?"

"I'm adopted."

"Oh."

Then Bugs Bunny walked into the room.

"May we address Mr. Une?" Bugs said.

"Yes?" Said Looney.

"During this time of year, a few cannot feed themselves, nor have a place to live."

"Are there no prisons?"

"Plenty of prisons."

"Workhouses?"

"Yes, unfortunately."

"Then they should go there!"

"Many can't go, and many would rather die."

"Then they better do it, and decrease the surplus population!"

Seeing there was no point in staying the pair walked out.

"Sir?" Buster asked.

"What is it? Your time is up and I won't pay you anything for staying late."

"I know it's just tomorrow's Christmas."

"Don't remind me."

"And I was wondering if I could have a day off."

"I pay you for no work just because of some silly holiday. Seems like a poor excuse for picking a man's pocket every twenty-fifth of December. Fine, but be here all the earlier the next morning."

"Thank you sir!"

So, Looney went out in the bitter snow and headed home. Then there was the knocker. Nothing was fancy about it. But when Looney looked at the knocker he saw Plucky's face. He jumped back in surprise, but when he looked again he only saw the knocker.

Looney merely pushed away the happening and went into his house.

It was not until much later that Looney thought of it again.

Suddenly, all the bells in the house started to ring. Looney ignored it. It may have been half a minute, but it seemed like an hour.

Then came the last part. Out came Plucky's ghost in chains around him attached to cashboxes.

"Looney, I have come to warn you."

"Who are you?"

"Ask me who I was."

"Who were you then?"

"In life I was your partner, Plucky Duck."

"Bah, Humbug!"

"You don't believe in me?"

"In all honesty, no."

"Why do you doubt your senses?"

"Because a little thing affects them. A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheats. You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There's more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!"

Then, the apparition let out a giant wail. One that would've blown Looney out the door had he not been in the chair.

"Spirit! I believe. But why is there a chain you wear?"

"I built this chain; I made it yard by yard, and link by link. You wore a chain just like this seven Christmas Eves ago. Now it is much longer."

"What could you have done?"

"I was horrible at things, and I have no time for chit chat, my time is brief. But I did so much cruelty."

"But Plucky! You were always a good man of business."

"Business! Mankind was my business! The common welfare was my business!"

"I am sorry."

" I have come to warn you, tonight you will be haunted by three spirits."

"I think I'll pass."

"Without they're visits, you cannot hope to avoid the fate that falls upon me. Expect the first tomorrow when the bell tolls one."

"Couldn't I take them all at once and get it over with?"

"Expect the second the next day at the same time. The last will arrive the next when the stroke of twelve ceases to vibrate."

And with that, Plucky flew out the window.

"Wait!"

When Looney opened the window he saw spirits, all trying to help other people, and all were wearing chains such as Plucky's.

Looney closed the window.

"Humbug!"

And with that he went to bed.

When he woke up the clock had said twelve.

"Why, I could never have slept a whole day!"

Suddenly he heard a bell.

"Ding, dong!"

"A quarter past,"

"Ding dong!"

"Half past!"

"Ding dong!"

"A quarter to it,"

"Ding dong!"

"The hour itself,"

Then a flash of bright light appeared.

And out appeared a little blue cat with a pit of ripped up ear and bandages around part of his tail.

"Spirit who and what are you?" asked Looney.

"I am the ghost of Christmas past."

"Long past?"

"No, your past."

"Why are you slightly injured."

"The past is slightly rough, so this would be my appearance. We have much to see."

The spirit flew out the window.

"Spirit, I am but a mere mortal, I will surely fall."

"Merely grab hold of my paw, and you can fly."

"Your paw?"

"Yes."

"Is there a second option?"

"My tail."

"Third?"

"My ear."

"Got it, third it is."

And so Looney grabbed on to his ear.

"Ow, Ow, OW! I'd like to keep what I have left of my ear, thank you!"

"It's not my fault you're going so fast."

"Here is the first stop."

And so the spirit dropped Looney in front of the school yard.

"Do you remember the way?"

"Remember! I could walk it blindfolded."

And so Looney walked in to the schoolroom. There he saw a lonely boy soaking in his studies. Two boys walked past. The boy looked out the window hoping to be home for the holidays.

"I think you should stop staring off, Looney."

The boy looked off to see a beautiful young woman.

"Fran?"

"You can come home Looney, father is much kinder now, the other night I was not afraid to ask him again if you could come home and he said yes."

"My sister. Such a sweet girl."

"She had children?"

"She adopted my nephew Beeper, but treated him like her own son."

"Is there anything important you would like to say about school?"

"One kid was very cruel to me; he had given me such a blow in the nose I couldn't smell from then on."

"This helped a few Christmases later."

Suddenly the setting changed to a shop.

"Fezziwigs?"

"You know it?"

"Better than the back of my hand."

"Such small an expense for merriment."

"Small?"

"Nothing more than a few pounds."

"It wasn't the money! Just Fezzy's own joy."

A jolly old man was inside the building, and showed us to young adult Looney to a certain purple skunk.

"You see that... That..." The Ghost seemed to lose control for a second, jumping up and down, show his heart beating, wolf whistle, and repeatedly hitting himself in the head with a mallet.

"Spirit, are you O.K.?"

"Never better."

"I didn't know a ghost could love."

"A lonely miser could love, why not a ghost? Though a ghost may love and never catch, some can catch, but let go for something else."

Another switch and they saw something else.

"But Fifi, why?"

"Another idol has replaced me in your heart."

"What idol has replaced you?"

"A golden one."

"Have I asked to be released?"

"Not in words but in actions. Think, if you had to choose again, would you choose a poor girl like me?"

"Well..."

"Goodbye, Looney."

"Spirit, show me no more!"

"One shadow more."

"No more!"

We see inside a house and Fifi is sitting next to a regular skunk. They seem to be happy and laughing together.

"WHAT?" The ghost said "All right that's it, let me at 'em, let me at 'em!"

Looney grabbed hold of the ghost's tail.

"You'll never guess who I saw in the city today."

The skunk said.

"Looney." Fifi said.

"Sharp as a tack, glad I married you."

"MARRIED? This guy is asking for it."

"You're disappointed? I went out with this girl!" Then the two started fighting.

"Sorry Johnny, but I think we should not talk about him."

They stopped fighting "JOHNNY? PEW?" Both said simultaneously.

"Yeah, though I remember when I was a bit like him. So vain and all. But when no one showed up to my plays, I saw that you showed me if I had been kinder to people, good things would come to me."

The spirit cleared his throat.

"Alright, will you stop? When will the next spirit come?"

"When the bell tolls one. Good bye."

Soon Looney found himself back in his bed.

Then the bell tolled one.

The one thing Looney wasn't prepared for was nothing. Until he saw a giant green dodo poke his head through.

"Come in, and know me better man!" said the dodo.

The dodo was by a feast.

"Come, we have but a short time, I am the ghost of Christmas present I am here to show you the here and the now."

"Dear spirit, could you, make yourself even in size?"

The dodo shrank to the size of a regular one.

"Come, come, come we have much to see." said the dodo.

"Let's look at the first one. How's your nephew doing?"

They appeared in a house.

"Is this my nephew's house?"

"You don't know? He is your nephew.

"I just have never come to visit."

Looney might have been the only one to decline the invitation. There were many a folk who were at the party.

"Let us play a game!" said one of the guests.

"A guessing game!" said another.

"I've got one." said Beeper.

"Is it an animal?" A pink cat said.

"Is that my nephew's wife?" asked Looney.

"Surely, you do not really mean to say you have never met your nephew's wife." said the spirit.

"I have never visited."

"Yes!"

"Does it live in a city?"

"Usually."

"Does it pull a hansom?"

"No."

"Is it unwanted?"

"Yes!"

"A rat!"

"A leech!"

"A cockroach!"

"A mouse!"

"No."

"Wait," the cat said, "An unwanted animal, but not a leech, cockroach, rat, or mouse. It's your uncle Looney!"

"Yes!"

"Come," said the spirit, "We have much else to see."

Next they appeared at a small house.

"Whose house is this?"

"Your clerk."

Inside he saw a family of five girls, and three boys.

"'Tis a big family."

"Not as big as mine."

"You have brothers and sisters?"

"More than 1800."

Then, in walked Buster and Li'l Sneezer.

"Oh, Buster!" Babs came in and hugged her husband.

"How was Li'l Sneezer at church?"

"As good as gold and better." Her husband replied. "You know, he said he hoped people saw him at church, because he thought it would be nice to remind people who made lame beggars walk and blind men see."

A bit later, they had their Christmas dinner.

"Is that there dinner, or a pigeon that got burnt in the process?"

"What do you expect? You pay him in a week less than a pigeon could find in a day."

"Let us all thank Looney, the founder of the feast."

Said Buster.

"The founder of the feast, indeed!" said Babs "Why if he was here I'd give him a piece of my mind to feast upon!"

"My dear, the children, Christmas day."

"Oh, alright to Looney."

"To Looney." all said

"And God bless," Said Buster.

"God bless us everyone, even mean old Looney." Said Li'l Sneezer, "A-a-a-CHOO!"

"Spirit," asked Looney, "Will Li'l Sneezer survive?"

"I see an empty chair, and a crutch without an owner. If these shadows remained unaltered, none of my future kin will find him here. However, if he is to die, then he'd better do it, and decrease the surplus population!"

"No spirit!"

Suddenly, he saw something of the spirit he did not see before.

"Spirit, what have you under your robe?"

The spirit pulled away his robe. There were two children, a boy and a girl.

"Be wary, man. These are man's children. The boy is Ignorance. The girl is Want. Beware them both."

The clock struck twelve. The spirit seemed to disappear after each stroke. Then the last stroke of twelve ceased to vibrate.

Then a long figure in a black robe appeared.

"You are the ghost of Christmas yet to come? And you are going to show me things that will be?" asked Looney.

The first they saw was three pigs.

"I wonder what he did with his money." the first said

"He didn't leave it to me I know." said the second

"It'll probably a cheap funeral, I'd be surprised if any one went." the third remarked

"I wouldn't mind going, if lunch was provided." The first joked.

Looney saw people go into a trading shop.

"I got his suit!" said one.

"Yes very nice." said trader Joe

"I heard he was going to be buried in it, such a lovely suit too."

"I got his bed curtains" said another

"These are quite lovely."

"I took his blankets."

"His blankets? You didn't take 'em when he was lying down did you?"

"Why not? He won't need 'em where 'e's goin'"

"I hope he didn't die of anything catching."

"I don't know, and I wouldn't stick around to find out."

Next, there was a corpse in a bed.

"Spirit, I realize this man's case may be my own."

The spirit pointed towards the bed.

"I won't look and you can't make me! Show me some kindness connected to this man's death!"

So then, they were at Buster Bunny's house. In walked Buster.

"I wish you could've gone, my dear." Buster said to his wife "The grass is very green, especially this time of year. I had a spot picked out for Li'l- "He then started to cry bit unwillingly stopped."We must remain strong; Li'l Sneezer would want us to." He then looked at an empty chair, where a crutch rested. "My child my poor, poor child." Again he had to unwillingly stop himself from crying. "You know he I ran into today, Looney's nephew Beeper. I told him of our loss, and he said he was sorry, and he gave me this card. It is wonderful, not because of anything he could do for us, but that he feels sorry for our loss."

Finally, a graveyard appeared and the closest tombstone read 'Li'l Sneezer'.

But the spirit lead him to another, and it was isolated and covered with frost.

"Whose lonely grave is this?"

The spirit merely pointed, and Looney rubbed off the frost.

"'Looney Terrence Une'. Spirit, answer me this. Are these things that will be our may be?"

The spirit did not reply.

"Please, I am a changed man, I will not shut out the lessons the spirits have taught me. I will live in the past, present, and future."

The spirit merely stood still.

"Please, I will not only pursue one interest!"

Then the unexpected happened. The spirit pulled back his robe to reveal a brown and tan coyote.

"Funny, I never learned that." The coyote said then laughed.

Looney awoke on the bed.

"I am back. And I will keep my promise to that odd-looking wolf."

"COYOTE!" said a voice that came from nowhere and particular.

"Wait, do I still have time?"

Looney shouted to a little boy:

"You there, what day is it?"

"Day? Why it's Christmas day!" the boy answered

"Christmas. I haven't missed it! The spirits did it all in one night! Of course they did, they can do anything they want! You there do you know the prize turkey in the butcher window?"

"The one as big as me?"

"Clever boy, has it been sold?"

"It's still there."

"Go and buy it, and I'll give you a shilling. No, five shillings."

The boy ran.

"I'll send it to Buster Bunny's house!"

And Looney did just that. And he donated to the charity...

"That much?" Bugs asked

"And not a penny less"

Then Looney spent the day at his nephew's house Beeper was surprised to see him, but his wife welcomed him.

The next day Buster Bunny was a bit late to work.

"You're late, rabbit."

"I know, but I was making rather merry yesterday."

"I can't stand the rate I'm paying for you this so that is why I'm going to raise your salary!"

"Oh please, sir... What?"

"Merry Christmas Buster!"

And so, things all worked out. And to Li'l Sneezer who did not die, Looney became like a second father to the boy. And as Li'l Sneezer observed, God bless us everyone!

(Then, Hey script form is back! Yes! Oh, back to the story.)

Cal: ...there or I'll boil you in pudding, and bury you with a stake of holly through your heart!

Looney: Yeah, I think I'll leave so...

Cal: Aren't you forgetting something?

Looney: Oh, yeah. Until next time we're tiny, we're toony, and in no way Scrooge-y. Good night.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 11

A new Christmas special

Looney: Good shows we are bringing to you and all else. Good shows for Christmas and a wacky new year.

Cal: Can we just get this show over with?

Looney: What's wrong with you?

Cal: Oh, I don't know. Buster has Babs, Furrball has Fifi Plucky has Marcia, Beeper has Felicia, Hamton is now dating someone new, Gogo has a blender, and I am stuck with NOTHING!

Looney: I don't have a girlfriend, wait I thought he was dating a fire hydrant.

Cal: They broke up.

Looney: I'll talk to some one else now(Loks around) Where is everybody?

Cal:Read this.

Looney: 'Twas a few days before Christmas

and through the the studio

two creatures were stirring

of which I know

the rabbits were atop the roof with care

looking for they knew St. Nick would soon be there.

Buster: this is Santa patrol one

do you reaf Santa patrol wo?

Babs: Read you loud and clear

indeed I do

Buster: Where is your location

Santa patrol two?

Babs: Really, Buster?

I'm standing right next to you.

Looney: while Buster was apoligizing

for not knowing wher Babs was at

down on the ground were Felicia

and Furrball the scaredy cat.

While they were hiding

from the dog that goes 'woof'

both of the birds weny on the roof

(shows Beeper climbing up on top of roof and collapsing after getting on top)

Plucky: It took so long

or an easy climb, why?

Beeper: The thing might be easy for you

but I can't _fly!_

Looney: So while theywere looking

with no limits our ends

the skunk and the martian were

with their boyfriends.

But neither were sad,

though Marcia slightly confused

for the tradition of Santa

on Mars was not used

Though Christmas was close,

it still was not here

so Calamity Coyote

was fixing up machanical reindeer

yes that coyote, would be St. Nick

though he was small scrawny and puny

Cal: on second thought,

I'll give this job to Looney ( takes the book, pushes Looney into the sleigh, starts it, and sit down.)

So he took to the sky,

but no one was fooled.

And thought impersonating Santa

was mean and cruel.

They threw everything they had

anvils, safes and pianos

and the safe fell to the ground

that is how it goes

and when Looney

finally crash landed

he said

Looney: Not going out there, I'd rather be stranded

Cal: So an insult to yourself

might be a bit funny

when you get the ideas

from Babs and abuster Bunny.

So if this was fun

then again you should look

when it comes to ideas

I wrote the book.(Show 'A few days before Christmas by C. Coyote)

Looney: Let's do something less painfu like a Christmas song

how about 'Twelve days of Christmas'?

Cal: Let's just start at twelve

Looney: fine Gogo, then Hamton, then felicia, Furrball, Fifi, Marcia, Plucky, Beeper, Cal, Babs, Buster, and me.

Gogo: Got it. am one.

Looney: No you're twelve.

Gogo: On the twelfth day ofChristmas my true love gave to me,Twelve bowls of foot loops

Hamton: eleven new vacuum cleaners.

Felicia: Ten red rose.

Furrball: Nine whole fishes.

Fifi: Eight sweet kisses.

Marcia: Seven new ray guns.

Plucky: Six self portraits

Beeper: Five golden medals

Cal: four new wrenches

Babs: three acting contracts

Buster: two new anvils.

Looney: and good shows back on T.V.

Cal: Well we still have some time to kill.

Beeper: Another song?

Cal: I've heard all those songs a million times

Looney: Then get ready for an originally written song!(Takes out twelve pieces of paper.) Beeper, would you mind passing these out?

Buster: We wish you a crazy christmas,

We wish you a crazy Christmas,

We wish you a crazy Christmas,

and a wacky New year

Babs: We're strange, We're weird we're crazy,

But by no means are we lazy

and the thing we love most windy or blazy

is the comedy.

Cal: Things are weird as I've seen

though I would never make any machine

to make them normal I'm not mean,

that's how it should be

Beeper: though I know that I'm fast

The christmas feeling will last.

Present future or past.

that's how it will be.

Plucky: We wish a crazy Christmas

We wish you a crazy Christmas

We wish you a crazy Christmas

and a wacky New Year.

Marcia: now this tradition is new to me

There is nothing bad for you to see

Though every year my uncle blew up a tree

I love this one the most.

Furrball:Now you've given me a good home

where I can sometimes Be alone

Elmyra went into the red zone

Nearly turned me to ghost.

( Music stops.)

Furrball: What?

Looney: I didn't write that last part.

Furrball: I was improvising

Fifi: We wish you a crazy Christmas

We wish you a crazy Christmas

We wish you a crazy Christmas

and a wacky New Year.

Felicia: I am a bit new here

without you what would I do here

'Cause when trouble drew near

I became part of the family

Hamton: I know it might be unclean

but it's the nicest place I've seen

and No one like you has ever been

that nice to me.

Gogo: We wish you a crazy Christmas

We wish you a crazy Christmas

We wish you a crazy Christmas

and a wacky New year

Buster: You didn't sing a line in your own song?

Looney: I didn't want it to be to long.

Buster: Ow about a group verse?

Looney: Sounds good.

Buster: One more verse everybody.

All: We wish you a crazy Christmas

We wish you a crazy Christmas

We wish you a crazy Christmas

and a Wacky New year.

Looney: Wel until next time we're tiny, we're toony, and won't forget about Christmas until June-y. Good Night.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 12 Whodunnit?(Cause it wasn't me.) (Outside of the studio.)

Buster: Looney, we've been waiting for three hours, when will the New Year's Eve party start?

Looney: As soon as I find my keys

Babs: Don't you have spares or something?

Looney: No, those could get stolen and the studio totally ruined.

Cal: Like it wasn't before.

Looney: If you can't help-

Cal: Why didn't you just ask? (Cal walks up to the door, takes one of Plucky's feathers, and opens the door.)

Plucky: How does someone open a door with a feather?

Looney: They're Calamity Coyote. (Looney turns on the light, and sees that the studio is completely ruined.)

Buster: Umm, we'll help you clean up.

Looney: Really Buster? It's obvious that someone stole my keys, broke in to the studio, and totally ruined it! And I need someone to solve this!

Plucky: I know! How about...(Spins into his Pluck Twacy costume.) Pluck Twacy!

Buster: Not on your own, we'll help solve this case.

Babs: Yeah! We can crack this case!

Looney: All I can figure out was that it was an animal.

Buster: It has to be, Beeper!

Beeper: What, me?

Buster: You were tired of losing out too many skits. (Dream sequence form.) So you stole Looney's when he wasn't looking, came in and destroyed the studio. (Back to toon life.)

Looney: I don't think it's him.

Buster: Why?

Looney: Because of this, (Points to graffiti that says 'Birds stink')

Buster: Well, since it's an animal, and not a bird, that eliminates four suspects.

Looney: I have a question. Buster: About the case?

Looney: No, why Furrball is suddenly wearing a jacket. (Shows Furrball in a black leather jacket.)

Furrball: New attitude, so?

Buster: Probably just a phase. Anyways, it was obviously Calamity Coyote!

Cal: What?

Buster: We already know you can pick locks (Daydream sequence) We also know the only reason you keep coming back is because you get paid for this show. So obviously he picked the lock and wrecked the studio.

Calamity: Then how do you explain the missing keys?

Buster: Alright, why don't I just ask who destroyed the studio.

Furrball: Me. (Everyone stares at Furrball.)

Looney: Marcia, did you do anything to Furrball?

Marcia: It occurs to me that I might have hit him with one of my rays.

Looney: Just turn him back. (Marcia zaps Furrball.)

Buster: Why was that so short?

Marcia: Because something is happening because I've been put on earth.

Buster: What?

Marcia:Official T-7 is going to destroy the earth if I don't return to Mars.

Buster: WHAT? What are we going to do.

Looney: I've got a plan.

Buster: What?

Looney: You'll see when I write it.

(Inside a Martian vessel.) T-7: Well, Marvin, I told you that earth would change her.

Marvin: You'll never get away with this. How do some people think I'm a villain when there are people like you.

T-7: You were the one who suggested your niece get on that horrid planet! And what was with that stupid earth holiday?

Marvin: Christmas?

T-7: How do you know of it?

Marvin: I know a very spirited rabbit.

T-7: No matter, either they give her back, or I destroy there stupid planet. (Marvin's watch beeps, showing Marcia.)

Marcia: O.K. you win, just come down on earth to retrieve me.

T-7: Perfect. T-9, land the ship in Acme Acres.

(Ship lands right in front of the studio.)

T-7: Where's Marcia?

Looney: We didn't bring her. But we did bring the king of comedy.

Buster: The Lord of laughs.

Babs: The Founder of Funny.

Looney: Ladies, Gentleman, and Martians, Bugs Bunny.

Bugs: Eh, what's up doc?

T-7: No, not you!

Bugs: Look, doc. I hear you've been messing with some of my students friend. And one's girlfriend. But how about a pie. (Hands him an obviously explosive pie.)

T-7: Gee, thanks. (Meanwhile. Looney, Buster, and Babs sneak on the ship.)

Looney: From what I was told, M'afhino was caged and there's an invention to destroy the world with. I get the Martian, you get the invention.

(Looney enters a room.)

Looney: Hello? M'Afhino? Anyone?

Marvin: Over here.

Looney: Marvin? But I was told it was M'Afhino.

Marvin: I am M'Afhino, don't you speak Martian? Help me so I can give you more information when needed.

Looney: More information? So far you've just been helping me with a fanfiction.

Marvin: There is far much more then you know happening to the Martians. It would be much better if Marcia stayed here until the war is over. As hard as it might be to believe our biggest enemy is not earth.

Looney: I'll just call Calamity.

Calamity: You called?

Looney: If I hadn't been hanging around toons, this whole plan would've gone wrong. Unlock the cage. (Cal takes a piece of his fur and opens the cage.) Marvin: Say, have you ever considered working for Mars?

Cal: All my weapons fail miserably.

Looney: Come on, we have to meet Buster and Babs.

(Meanwhile, Where Buster and Babs were.)

Babs: There are millions of inventions in here, which ones the right one.

Buster: Easy, Babsy. Just grab anything that says 'M'Afhino' on it. I just hope Bugs can distract that T-7 guy long enough for us to find it.

Babs: Here's another idea (Pulls out mallet) Why not just smash stuff.

Buster:(Pulls out a mallet.) O.K. Why not? (Later the two groups meet.)

Buster: We destroyed every machine in this place.

T-7: Oh, did you now?

Looney: How did you get past Bugs?

T-7: There is something many cartoons fear, I believe you call it DIP.

Buster: Y-you have DIP? That's illegal!

T-7: Your earth laws do not effect me. And you haven't destroyed the invention.

Buster: But we've destroyed every machine on this ship.

Looney: That's just it, the invention is the ship.

T-7: Clever, earthling. You know, I don't even need the invention if I have you. I know what they say about you. That you have the power to change the world by sitting at a tiny computer.

Looney: The only thing keeping me from blowing this ship up is not finding a way that makes sense.

Buster: How about that? (Points to a self destruct button.)

Looney: Yeah, That'll work. (Pushes button and ship counts down, just before the ship reaches it's final number, the group of five make it to the escape pod and land safely on Earth. T-7, not so much. A good captain goes down with his ship)

Marvin: Thank you, but I must ask you why you have given up chasing my niece and that bird.

Looney: There in love, and nothing can break that apart. Hey, wanna come to our New Year's Eve party? (at the party, all Looney Tunes and Tiny Toons characters are enjoying themselves. That is, except for Wile E. Coyote who is tied to an anchor)

Wile E.: Just a bit of food, please!

Looney: I don't think so. Anyways we're tiny, We're toony, and will be working on those resolutions soony. Good Night.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 13 More Furrball follies.

Looney: Why can't I stop thinking of the war Marvin mentioned

Marcia: What war? Looney: Nothing! What are you doing here anyway?

Marcia: I have to ask something, do you live in this studio?

Looney: Maybe.

Marcia: The show is already on.

Looney: What? How come your the only one here?

Marcia: This is the only part I get here.

Looney: Back to the point. Welcome to 20th-

Marcia: We get it! This is the 13th chapter for crying out loud!

Looney: Fine. If that's it just let Buster and Babs do their part.

(In an alley.) Buster: Hi ya toonsters. So long since I've said that. Anyways, today we will be taking another look into the life of a little blue cat.

Babs: Furrball.

Buster: How many other blue cats are there?

Babs: I can think of one.

Buster: Anyways, let's start with how Furrball's doing.

(We see Furrball with flowers in hand, getting ready for something.)

Buster: First,Furrball will go on his date with Fifi.

(Furrball puts on a plastic noseclip.)

Furrball: I have to do this all the time.

Babs: But he's got a lot more to worry about then being late.

Furrball: What?

Babs: Here's our first cartoon.

(Cartoon slide saying 'late to the date'.)

(In the alley.) Furrball: One date with me and Fifi at a French restaurant, and this time I made the reservations. Why did I say that? Who cares? (Two dogs sneak up behind him, he takes out a frying pan and hits them with it.)

Furrball: And I'm prepared for almost anything. There is nothing I couldn't have thought of. Well, maybe me being turned into a dog, but Marcia's not anywhere near Acme Acres. So how would I ever turn into a dog? (Nearby, Calamity Coyote is using a machine.)

Cal: Finally, this animal transformer could change me into something more lucky, like a rabbit, or maybe a dog. Yeah, dogs good. (Cal tries to use the ray, but Beeper comes up and 'beep beep's, causing the ray to miss.)

Cal: Dude, really?

Beeper: Couldn't resist. (The ray bounces off a building, then bounces off another building, hitting the mirror Furrball's looking in, then hitting Furrball and emitting a puff of smoke. When the smoke clears, we see Furrball with a dog's mouth, tail, and ears.)

Furrball: Really? Just my head? No muscle? Wait a minute, I can't show up to my date with Fifi as a dog. I have to change back and again, why am I saying this? (We see Furrball run up to Cal.)

Furrball: Please tell me you can help me.

Cal: Sorry, I only help my friends.

Furrball: I'm Furrball!

Cal: Yeah, and I'm Bugs Bunny. Go away.

Furrball: But... (Calamity kicks Furrball away. And he lands in a dump. A dog approaches him.)

Dog: Hey buddy, I'd get out of here if I was yous. The dog who runs this place.

Furrball: (quiter with each word) Sorry but I don't even want to be here.

Dog: You O.K. buddy?

Furrball: (Quiter with each word.) When I get nervous I lose my...

Dog: What? Oh your voice. You'd better scram, the leader hates quiet guys.

(Furrball gulps. An orange, smaller version of Hector approaches Furrball with lair of dogs behind him.)

Leader: The name is Harold. (Harold. Got it.)

Harold:(seeing Furrball.) What have we got here? Another sucker who thinks he can take me? (Furrball shakes his head.)

Harold: Use your voice, I hate quiet people. (Furrball gives Harold a thumbs up.)

Harold: Funny guy, huh? Well how about a fight? Winner takes title of leader of this dump. (Furrball tries to speak.)

Harold:(interrupting Furrball) good, meet me here in five minutes. (Harold and his gang leave.)

Dog: Nervous now?

Furrball: Are you kidding? I have to fight a giant dog, make it to my date and turn... A video in, all in one night.

Dog: Don't you mean back into a cat?

Furrball: How did you-

Dog: I recognize your bandages and the mark on your ear. And stranger things have happened.

Furrball: I can't be trained to fight a giant dog in five minutes!

Dog: You can in a montage.

Furrball: First what is your name?

Dog: Dog. Furrball: Really?

Dog: I like the name.

(A regular training montage occurs. With Furrball hitting a punching bag, doing pull ups, and running up a case of stairs.)

Furrball: That will help me defeat Harold?

Dog: Probably not.

Furrball: What but the fights in (checks watch) right now. (Next we see Furrball and Harold in a boxing ring.)

Furrball: This is ridiculous, I might as well beat myself up.

Dog: No way, Harold will be defeated.

Furrball: Have you been to Acme Looniversity?

Dog: Yeah, most people don't notice me.

Furrball: Fine I'll try. (Goes to middle of ring where Harold is.

Harold: You actually showed up, no one has ever done that before.

Furrball: Yeah, let's get this over with quickly. (Harold lands a punch on Furrball.)

Furrball: That didn't hurt. (then Furrball lands a punch on Harold, who steps back in pain.)

Furrball: Are you O.K.?

Harold: No.

Furrball: Look, I have to go, so if you have a bike and either a genius scientist or wizard, can I use them.

Harold: Dog works in magic.

Dog: Sure. Abracadabra! (Furrball and Dog are in front of Fifi's house.)

Furrball: I'm still a dog! And no flowers or ride or-

Dog: Relax, I've got it. Abracadabra. (Fifi comes at the door and sees Furrball in a suit with flowers and a limo behind him.)

Fifi: Furrball! You did all zis for moi? Furrball: Well... Fifi:You are the best boyfriend ever.(kisses Furrball.)

Furrball: Yup, that's me.

(Buster and Babs appear again.)

Buster: Of course, now that his date is over, Furrball has to be back on the chase.

Babs: Yup, and he will find the one place he never thought he'd go.

Furrball: What does that mean?

(Cartoon slide saying 'Furrball in Wackyland' comes up. We see Furrball, being chased by Arnold the pit bull. Eventually, he goes to the boundary of Acme Acres and Wackyland. Furrball runs in, but Arnold stops at the toll booth. Furrball runs through the bridge, and eventually runs into Hamton, Plucky, and Gogo.)

Furrball: Oh, you guys. I need to stay here for a while is there a place to sleep, or a watch to tell when it's day or even a giant pile of mashed potatoes?

Gogo: Right over there.

Plucky: Why would you ask for a giant pile of mashed potatoes?

Furrball: I'm hungry.

(Furrball eats all of the mashed potatoes.)

Furrball: Wackyland's not that bad.

Plucky: Yeah, well we've got to get out of here.

Furrball: What, why?

Hamton: See ya! (They both leave.)

Furrball: That was odd, huh Gogo.

Gogo: Nope. Hey Furrball, how about a game of tag?

Furrball: I'd rather not, I don't wanna get injured. Gogo: Come on, just one round one person is tagged and that's it.

Please?

Furrball: Fine.

Gogo: Great. (Gogo zips off.)

Furrball: Well, I guess I'm it.

(Furrball chases Gogo. Gogo pulls out a pencil and draws a door, then pulls the bottom up and goes through, the door falls back in time for Furrball to run into it, Furrball tries to open the door, but Gogo is in a floating window. Furball tries to go through it, but Gogo comes out the door and whistles to Furrball, before using the back side of the door like an elevator.)

Furrball: This all seems really familiar (Gogo is popping behind trees, pulls away the scenery then pulls a brick wall in front of it, which Furrball runs into.)

Furrball: This gave me an idea. (A newspaper boy is seen.) Newspaper boy: Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

Gogo Dodo captured! Gogo: What? Where? Who? When?

Newspaper boy(Furrball): Now.

(Furrball hits Gogo with a mallet and grabs his neck.)

Furrball: Just one thing to say.

Gogo: What?

Furrball: Tag, you're it. (The sun rises.)

Gogo: Would you look at that. We've been playing tag all night. Time flies when you're having fun.

Furrball: Hey since I can't get out through the bridge...

Gogo: Nooo problem buddy. (Gogo kicks Furrball out.)

(In front of Elmyra's house.)

Buster: Next, a task that might usually be easy for Furrball, will become difficult.

Babs: And even trying to do it makes him insane.

(Cartoon slide saying 'Cat you take me back' appears. We see Furrball and Dog in front of Elmyra's house.)

Furrball: Are you sure you want to do this?

Dog: From what I know, Elmyra might just be a bit misguided on how to treat animals.

Furrball: There's an animal cemetery in her backyard.

Dog: I think I can survive.

Furrball: Just don't talk, animals that don't talk there seem to stay well.

Dog: At all?

Furrball: Just not in front of Elmyra.

(Furrball meows, and Elmyra opens the door.)

Elmyra: Hello? (Sees Furrball.) Oh, hello Furrball. (Furrball meows.)

Elmyra: That won't work Furrball. I don't wanna see you ever again. (Slams door.)

Dog: What did you do before you leave?

Furrball: I don't really remember. It was a while back.

Dog: Oh now I see.

Furrball: What?

Dog: You broke her heart. And if you want to get back in her house, your going to have to do something big.

Furrball: Like what?

Dog: Chocolates are nice. (a few minutes later, Furrball has chocolates in his hand and he meows. Elmyra comes to the door.)

Elmyra: Ooh, are these chocolates for me? (takes chocolates.)Thank you, but you still can't come in.(Slams door.)

Furrball: Another idea?

Dog: Roses. (Furrball is shown at the door again, with a handful of roses, then he meows.)

Elmyra: Ooh, flowers. But you still can't come in.(Slams door.)

Furrball: Another idea?

Dog: I bark and go in and leave you out here?

(Furrball gives him a dirty look.)

Dog: Kidding. Try music.

(Furrball this time is seen playing a cello, Elmyra comes to the door.)

Elmyra: Alright, I guess you can come in. (Dog runs up to her.)

Elmyra: You too little doggy, what's your name. (Dog barks.)

Elmyra: Dog. Well OK. (Elmyra takes them in.)

Elmyra: Now be very nice, a new cat is here. (Takes them to the living room where Byron Bassett, and Felicia are laying. Both Dog and Furrball show surprise on their faces.) (Back at the Studio.)

Looney: Well that's it, until next time we're-

Marcia: Hold it! What did Furrball mean when he said I was nowhere near Acme Acres.

Looney: Well this building can go from anywhere in the real world to toon world, that's how I got here. One door is real another is toon. For example (goes to left door.) We can go from this (shows Eiffel Tower.) to this (Shows Leaning tower of Piza.) okFrom this (Shows great wall of China.) to this (Shows statue of liberty.) And from this (Shows Golden Gate Bridge) to this (Shows train heading for the studio, then shuts the door) Alright, aside from saying I had a near death experience I have to tell you we're tiny we're toony and Furrball might have better luck soony. Good night.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 15

Once upon a toon

(We see outside of the studio. Looney is struggling to get the door open.)

Looney: Sorry, I'll be with you in a moment. Geesh, show up one hour late and they look you out. Action!

(Yeah?)

Looney: Can you open the door for me?

(Doesn't that go against your 'rules of writing'?)

Looney: Well at least hand me the keys!

(I'm just a personification of physical movement! I can't hand you anything!)

Looney: Do you know where the keys are?

(Don't you have a set?)

Looney: Oh...yeah... right.

(Looney pulls out keys and unlocks the door to see the studio is completely dark.)

Looney: Why is it so dark in here?

Cal: We couldn't find the lights.

Looney: Can't coyotes see in the dark?

(Turns on lights, showing twelve other humans, many with odd colored hair.)

Boy with gray hair: I wouldn't know, I'm not a coyote!

Looney: AHH! Who are you people, and where are the tiny toons?

Boy with light blue hair: Who?

Looney: The cartoon characters?

Girl with pink hair and purple bows: Look at that, he believes cartoons are real!

Boy with dark blue hair: I don't believe it!

Boy with brown hair: Me neither!

Boy with dark green hair: That's the craziest thing I ever heard!

(All laugh.)

Looney: Wait a minute... You're the tiny toons!

Girl with black hair: Yeah, and I'm from Mars!

Looney: No, you are Marcia!

Marcia: How did you know my name?

Looney: You've all turned human! Let me think. There's still Buster and, umm, Barbara and Felicia and Fifi and Hamton, then Doug and Gary and Frank and Cal and Bob and Peter! At least those are your names now, but your supposed to be Dog and Gogo and Furrball and Calamity and Beeper and Plucky!

Peter: That is crazy, and how did you get our names exactly right?

Looney: Some was lucky guess, but the rest were your toon names! Buster and Barbara are rabbits, Felicia and Frank are cats, Fifi is a skunk, Hamton is a pig, Doug is a dog, Gary is a dodo, Peter is a duck, Cal is a coyote, and Bob is a roadrunner!

Bob: Prove it

Looney: I have cartoons right here!

Cal: Cartoons don't prove anything!

Looney: What about your hair? It's the same color as your fur and feathers were and what about the Looney Tunes like Bugs Bunny?

Buster: Who's Bugs Bunny?

Looney: Wile E. What did you DO?

Cal: Don't you mean Wiley? The mayor?

Looney: Yeah, that's it. I was, um, just messing with you.

Buster: And what's your name?

Looney: Loo-ie. Louie! That's my name.

Buster: You don't seem to sure.

Looney: I am sure! Hey, wait, don't you guys go to school?

Barbara: Yeah.

Looney: I need to speak to the headmaster, the mayor, and the road- I mean, um, Professor Runner.

Buster: O.K. but it might take some time.

Looney: How long could it be?

(One month later. All who were called and the former tiny toons sit around a table.)

Looney: Well, that took longer than I thought, but now everyone is here. Alright, Mr. Mayor what did you do?

Wiley: Me? I'm shocked you even think that!

Looney: Don't play with me, whatever you did, it didn't work.

Wiley: Oh, but it did my dear boy.

Looney: No, whatever you did didn't work on me because I'm human.

Wiley: You think that's what happened? You're not half as smart as I thought.

Looney: What do you mean?

Wiley: You're the one that's been affected, there never were any tiny toons, or looney tunes. You're bonkers!

Looney: Really? The merry-go-round broke down...

Wiley: Quit it!

Looney: And we went round and round

Wiley: I'm warning you

Looney: Each time t'would missed, we'd steal a kiss And the Merry-Go-Round went "Um-pah-pah, um-pah-pah Um-pah! Um-pah! Um-pah-pah-pah!' Oh the merry-go-round broke down! What did you think Professor Bradford and Professor Runner?

Runner: Finish it!

Bradford: Yeah!

(All but Wiley respond in agreement.)

Looney: And it made the darndest sound, The lights went low, we both said "Oh!" And the Merry-Go-Round went "Um-pah-pah, um-pah-pah Um-pah! Um-pah! Um-pah-pah-pah!' Oh what fun - a wonderful time Finding love for only a dime. Oh, the Merry-Go-Round broke down But you don't see me frown Things turned out fine and now she's mine - Cause the the Merry-Go-Round went "Um-pah-pah, um-pah-pah Um-pah! Um-pah! Um-pah-pah-pah!" Oh, the Merry-Go-Round broke down.

Wiley: STOP! This is ridiculous! Listening to a thirteen year old sing while in a meeting? Have you all gone-

Looney: Looney?

Wiley: Enough of your shenanigans.

(Looney pulls out piano.)

Wiley: What are you doing?

(Looney plays the 'Tiny Toon Adventures' Theme.)

Looney: We're tiny, we're toony We're all a little looney And in this cartoon-y We're invading your TV We're comic dispensers We crack up all the sensors, On Tiny Toon Adventures get a dose of comedy! So here's Acme Acres it's a whole wide world apart.

Buster: Our home sweet home.

Barbara: It stands alone.

Looney: A cartoon work of art! The scripts were rejected.

Peter: Expect the unexpected!

Looney: On Tiny Toon Adventures it's about to start! They're furry, they're funny,

Buster and Barbara: There Babs and Buster Bunny!

Looney: Montana Max has money, Elmyra is a pain!

Hamton: There's Hamton

Peter: And Plucky!

Looney: Dizzy Devil's yucky

Frank: Furrball's unlucky,

Gary: And Gogo is insane

Looney: At Acme Looniversity we earn our toon degree

Buster: The teaching staff's

Barbara: Been getting laughs

Looney: Since 1933!

All: We're tiny, we're toony, we're all a little looney, It's tiny toon adventures come and join the fun And now our song is done!

Looney: Is that better?

Wiley: You haven't done a single thing

Runner: Meep Meep.

Wiley: Uh-oh.

Bradford: What's up, mayor.

Wiley: Darn it! I knew this plan wouldn't work!

(Then, everything changes back to how it was before, Bradford becomes Bugs, Runner becomes The Road Runner, and Wiley becomes Wile E. Also, the tiny toons change back.)

Wile E: No, no I was so close.

Looney: How would that help you get the Road Runner?

Wile E.: This is no longer about that bird, now you are my number one enemy, boy. And humans are much slower than roadrunners.

Buster: Get away from him.

Wile E.: Oh don't worry, I'll be back soon enough.

(Wile E. Leaves laughing.)

Buster: Don't listen to him, we'll protect you.

Looney: I won't but still one thing I have to do. Until next time, we're tiny we're toony, and Wile E.'s schemes always goe kablowie!

(explosion in background.)

Looney: Good night. 


End file.
